So It Goes
by her-little-musings
Summary: In another life, maybe things would have been different, but Darcy knows the thin line between expectations and reality, and how dangerous it could be.


It was one of those rare days where the smoke would be clear enough to make out the horizon, the air didn't smell like decaying flesh, and the stench of burning was subdued. For Darcy, this was enough, and if she walked long enough, she could pretend that this wasn't her life. Beyond the city, there are civilizations untouched, but she knew it would only be a matter of time before they would be destroyed too. It would be a waste of energy to go there, and to even dream of starting over was laughable.

Still, it didn't stop her from taking her walk, and she ventured down the path she usually took. Not out fear, but out of comfort and the familiarity allowed her memories to flow without preemptive thought.

From the corner of her eye, she saw the shadow that frequented her walks, and a half smile graced her features. She didn't look back. She didn't have to. The unspoken words between them were enough.

"_You're a lot less scarier without the horns," commented Darcy as she pulled her hair up into a messy bun. The god in front of her was currently handcuffed-sans the muzzle-and looked absolutely feral despite the simple black ensemble SHEILD had given him._

"_My attire is none of your concern," Loki quipped, stepping to the other side of the device that they were currently working on. Darcy spun in her chair, unfazed by his rudeness and stared at the clipboard in her hands._

"_Aren't you at least glad you're out of that cell? Stretch your legs. Get some real food."_

"_Are all Midgardians this talkative or just the ones asking to be killed?" He deadpanned, meeting her eyes._

_Darcy ceased to spin and crossed her legs. "Harsh. I'm just making polite conversation."_

"_With a murderer who tried to take over your world. Somehow I do not think your organization encourages that."_

_She shrugged. "I'm only here because Jane is. Once she's out, I'm going back home to New Mexico—which by the way-I was there for when you decided to destroy my town, so thanks for that. Near death experiences are starting to become a trend."_

"_So you don't affiliate yourself with," he made a nonsensical hand motion in the air, "These people."_

_Again, she shrugged. "I'm not exactly secret agent type, nor a science girl like Jane. Wrong place at the wrong time type of thing. They'll probably wipe my memory before I go, though," she said as an afterthought, causing her to laugh. "I hope at least I'll remember Thor. Good times."_

_At the mention of his brother, Loki snarled and resumed his work, and Jane had walked into the room, looking back and forth between him and Darcy. "Any trouble?" She asked, handing Darcy a cup of coffee._

"_None at all," Darcy replied, taking a sip, and cast a glance to the god._

A slight breeze shifted the ashes beneath her, and it blew south so that peaks of green grass could be made out. Allowing herself to take in a breath with the wind, the leaves rustled ever so slightly. The sound was strange to her ears. It was normal, and above all, it was peaceful.

On warmer days she would bring one of her favorite books and read until the sunset, but for today, only her thoughts would accompany her as she sat under her favorite tree. It was one of the few that was still standing, and a healthy patch of green grew around it.

"_I think you're actually starting to like it around here."_

_Loki gave her an exasperated sigh like a child as he typed in a few numbers on the large monitor in front of them. _

"_And you got your cuffs off. An improvement, if I do say so myself."_

"_I think SHIELD realized it would only hurt them if they remained on any longer. Mind games are fun, but it expends far too much magic for my taste."_

"_Uh huh," Darcy muttered, pretending to understand as she twirled her pen. With a glance towards the clock, she brightened immediately. _

_Offhandedly, "Do you want to go get lunch?"_

_The look on Loki's face was utter surprise, and the next word formed on his lips slowly._

"_Sure."_

Maybe in another time and place things would have been different; if she were braver, if he wasn't a manic god, but then who would they be? Certainly not themselves. Part of his allure was his inability to do good, and she knew what drew her to him was in the fact she was, well, ordinary.

He needed that. Or maybe, she needed him more.

"_Do you want to see a movie? I have 2 tickets for an IMAX showing…I know it must not be very impressive to you, but they're typically expensive. And you must be busy, so I guess I could ask Jane but she went out with me yesterday and I know she said she was getting together with her sister later—"_

"_If you stop rambling, I'll go." _

_He didn't look up once from his papers, but Darcy could've sworn she saw a smile from the corners of his mouth. _

He never agreed to her suggestions reluctantly. Maybe a bit wary, since anyone who recognized him shied away, but she took him by the hand and showed him what the world had to offer. Or at least what she could.

They fell into a strange intimacy that could only be characterized as being comfortable in one another's silence. She never took to silence, she liked to fill in the gaps with aimless chatter to avoid awkward situations that she often birthed, but with Loki, silence meant understanding.

Then again, maybe if she did say something, things would have turned out differently.

"_Loki, what are you doing?" Her voice shook as another crash rumbled above them. They were on one of the lower floors, where the tesseract was held. All her instincts told her to run away, but she only came closer and reached out._

_He nearly snarled at her touch. "Loki!" She said desperately as he took hold of the tesseract. "Stop, this isn't who you are! I know you, this isn't what you want!"_

_That got his attention as he spun around, pinning her against the wall. She searched his eyes for some semblance of _him_, but there was only anger. _

"_How can you say you know me?! Do you think a few drinks and outings warrant you that privilege? You know nothing."_

"_I…" She trailed, trying to will her body to move, but there was another blast and the alarms were sounding followed by the SHIELD intercom. "I thought we were friends," she managed, and that seemed to stir something within him as he came closer._

"_Then our previous association grants you this, Darcy Lewis. And take these words of wisdom: Leave. Get far away from here, because this city is going to turn into a warzone." He pressed his palm into her forehead, and she felt her consciousness slipping away as her vision faded to black._

_When she woke up, she was in her apartment. _

Even then, she couldn't say she loved him. Or even something as simple as a crush. She had a hard time differentiating between admiration and idealizing, which would be her downfall.

She felt entitled to Loki, she reminisced foolishly, and as much as his words hurt, they were true. How could she think that a few drinks and conversations could make him change his mind? There was so much anger within him, and lifetimes of history that she didn't know about. The Loki in her head was some poor misconstrued soul that was reprimanding for his crimes.

But looking back now, she never knew anything. She held on to even the slightest hint of redemption. How wrong she was.

_She shouldn't have gone outside. The ashes were still clearing, and her eyes burned and teared, but she pressed on. She had to know. _

_The smell of rotting corpses should have fazed her, but she continued, trying to ignore it. She's had enough time to weep. _

_Surprisingly, there were other people outside too. Loki didn't want genocide, he wanted vengeance, and fulfilled it, if the ceasefire was any indication. Other nations would be coming, she was sure, but for now, the eerie ashes and smog were the only sense of peace they've had for days. _

_The analog watch on her wrist was the only indication that it was still morning. The ash blackened the sky, and she hoped that it would clear soon, or at least enough so she could find her way home. _

_Home. The word sounded strange in her head, and the word 'shelter' seemed more appropriate. The days and nights muddled together and crashing became more common than silence._

_She was about to turn around and head home, knowing that her journey would be fruitless, but then she saw _him_ in the sky. His silhouette was unmistakable, horns and all, and she was half tempted to call out to him. What she would say, she didn't know, so she never did. But she swore that he saw her, and for a moment, their eyes locked. _

_He was stone cold as usual, but she saw the recognition despite her battered appearance. That was all she needed before she left._

The sun was beginning to descend into the horizon; painting it with hues she hadn't seen for a while. A sigh of contentment flew from her lips as she stood up to stretch, and the blades of grass she collected on her lap fell off in ripples.

She knew she should be bitter. Today was the anniversary. Her friends were gone, and the most human interaction she had was the occasional wave or hello. People were too afraid to make connections anymore. She couldn't blame them.

But she was past that—all of that—and today was a day for being content. She never dared to use the word happy. Her smile never quite reached her eyes, and nightmares still plagued her every night. But she was moving on. So it goes.

As she walked back, the shadow greeted her again, and a wistful grin broke from her features. A greeting was on the tip of her tongue, but she knew better this time.

And as tempted as she was to turn around, she didn't. The shadow didn't reach out towards her, and as soon as she stepped onto the city grounds, it vanished. She heard its footsteps, its own way of saying goodbye, and Darcy closed her eyes in affirmation. Tricksters were never that careless.


End file.
